tears
so it’s been a while.. and it’s not like anybody reads this, but i just wanted to let this out.. i don’t even know what’s gotten into me. for the past few days, all i’ve been feeling is the need to cry. and i already have a few times, but no clue why. is it insecurity? but what reason would i have to be insecure? maybe it’s not him, but me. maybe i’m the one that’s questioning myself. maybe i’m the one feeling bad? but for what. what is different, what is wrong. tears just keep falling and i don’t know why. i hate this feeling. i absolutely hate it.
douchebag
who do you think you are. i defended you, i fought for you. i did all of that so they wouldn’t hate you. they all hated you and i defended you. and now, you pull this shit and what the hell can i do. i give up, i give up trying. i thought you had some good left in you, i thought you’d realize by now. but i guess not. you’re a douchebag. you have no feelings. the ones i thought were hidden deep down, they don’t exist. i guess it’s fair that you don’t know what you caused, but maybe if you asked, you’d realize what’s happened since you stopped caring. but clearly, you could care less. you don’t care about anyone but yourself. when everything’s gone and you’ve got nobody left, don’t come crying back to me. you’re a selfish douchebag. have a nice life. i’m done defending you. our friendship is over.
motivation, zero.
2 midterms, 1 project and 1 lab. motivation at 0. i am so out of it right now. the weather is not making anything any better. waking up is just the hardest thing to do every morning. it’s too early to be that dark. and i guess this is fall, winter. ugh. i just.. need some sort of drive, determination. and this isn’t even just for school. i just want to sit around and waste my life away.. well that sounded bad. but really. sometimes, i just want to find a place, disappear for a while, and come back when life is better, easier. when all the troubles go away. but that’s obviously not possible. especially not this life here. it’s the little things that are keeping me going.. but is that really enough?
and it begins ..
so it’s october and i just thought i’d start this tumblr business.. everyone seems to be on this website often enough that i thought i’d give it a shot. unfortunately today’s been somewhat of a good day, so it’s not exactly where i’d like to begin, but so be it. soon enough someone will be illogical and begin this page where it should. as for now, it begins here; october 1st, 2011.
